I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
