his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
