He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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