My hand turned me down
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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