bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
