she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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