We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
