Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
