I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
