New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
