Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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