U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
