i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
