Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
