yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
