did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
