What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
