I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
