Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
