Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
