A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
