i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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