True but thats because hes a fetus.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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