Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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