Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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