You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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