in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
