mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
