U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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