I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
