Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
