dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
