i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
