Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
