I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
