If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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