Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he thought i was a dude.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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