We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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