the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish i was in the wii world.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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