I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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