i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
