OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
