I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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