i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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