He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
