Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
