I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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