I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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