She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
