I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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