I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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