I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
