he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
